i was born a porn star she said
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
