i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
