no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
