"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
