omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just cut my nipple shaving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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