I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
