Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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