you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
