I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
