i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
