end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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