i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
