I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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