so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
