i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
