I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
