so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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