HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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