if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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