last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
