I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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