I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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