Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
