I can text with my tongue
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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