This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
