Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
