Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
