a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm having to shit out rocks
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