so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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