Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize