Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
