actually, I'm a sock model
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
