Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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