Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
