I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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