so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
