hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
