Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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