I wish I only lived at night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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