I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Bring me that man meat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
