He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
