In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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