So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
