I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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