my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
His nipple licking is glorious
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