We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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