If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
