a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
