what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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