yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
