do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
