playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
