Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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