My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
