my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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