I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my poor anus
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
