Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
