i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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