the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
