hotel room ftw
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
