you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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