we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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