is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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