i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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