Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Boobs speak an international language.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
