Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
