I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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