Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
