i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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